Text Message

This is conversation is word for word. A random text message between me and a chick. I will be in bold. The chick, not enough.

What's up?

Nothing much...typing insignificant crap. You?

Booored.

Yes. Every single day without fail...

Be nice.

I'm not being nice?

You saying I complain a lot?

Seriously? You want to start a fight? Yes, you complain a lot. And whine.

You smell.

..........

Talk.

Yeah, like flowers and sunshine.

I am talking. My single sucks in this office so my texts take awhile to send sometimes. Also, you fight like a midget girl.

Midget girl. That's funny.

Funny like your facial hair.

When screwing you, is it like throwing a pencil down a hallway?

Nope. More like sticking your finger in one of those Chinese finger traps. How many times have you heard "is it in yet?"

Well I did have that time I was too big it wouldn't fit her.

She was probably using it for storage... no wonder there was no room.

Are you more tuna or salmon?

Hmm...I'm gonna go with small mouth bass. Are you more sweaty gym sock or copper penny?

More like a nice Merlot. Just as long that after looking at yours, I'm not thinking Arby's.

Zing. Did your married girlfriend help you come up with that one?

Nope. All by myself. Married girlfriend. Nice touch.

Speaking of touch, do you jerk off in your sleep often or only when you dream about your mom?

My mom is usually there. Does your kid help you clean up?

Only when your dad comes over. He's quite messy.

Good thing your ass is like a never ending refill cup. It's weird how you like sitting all squishy.

Almost as weird as your girly skating fetish. Maybe you should join a real team. You're sensitive enough.

When you put the phone down there, it sounds like you're mixing mac and cheese.

I'm actually mixing oatmeal. Good try though. Your breathing sounds like an asthmatic old woman watching bestiality porn.

Nice job.

Hey you started it. You had to bring the phone sex into it.

My back was against the wall.

Yeah... weak.

I had to pounce.

What if I got offended by your pouncing? (My auto correct wanted to use pounding instead of pouncing.)

You would get offended.

It was a hypothetical question, jackass.

Your vagina is hypothetical....... (for the win.)

me - 1 chick - 0

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