It Might Be The Last One

A word to describe my relationship with my remaining grandparents : non-existent. They never gave a shit about getting to know their grandkids and we grew up thinking this was normal. I never talk to them now. Surprised? Sure I will talk them if there is a family function. You know your basic "Oh, I'm good. Just working, trying to keep busy..." type shit. Just one set of grandparents are left. Grandpa is in and out of the hospital who I can't remember ever having a one on one conversation with and Grandma is starting to really wear down. Now they want a relationship. Of course they want one now. We grew into adults and barely speak to them. Of course they are masters at guilt now. "You never see me anymore".. "It feels like I don't know you anymore". Truth is they never did know us. And now I'm being blamed.

When I was a kid, around age 7 or 8, Christmas was about getting together with all the cousins and going to Grandmas house. With my two brothers and sister, there were 12 kids. Every year it was so fun. Each kid and a cousin about the same age to play with. I remember a ton of presents. It would take hours to open them all. I remembered eating deviled eggs.

I can't remember the last time I spoke a word to those cousins.. Maybe 20 years?

This might be Grandma's last Christmas. If not physically, we are thinking mentally, she's about had it. So it's been decided that we will all surprise her and get everyone back to her house for Christmas.

I don't want to go.

One thing I hate is being fake. I hate having to fake my way through an afternoon to please someone that for the majority of my life, didn't take the time to get to know me. I don't want to act like cousins that I never see or talk to are there to truly catch up. It's a situation that screams as a particular type of issue. This is a guilt issue. Sure I'm an adult and should let things go and don't get me wrong, this situation has not scarred me one bit. But having to feel guilty because I don't care for people that were never there for me... It just irritates me. I have my own issues. I have issues with my immediate family. I don't need an afternoon with extended family I don't even care to know anymore. But it could be her last Christmas. She's been saying this for years....

There better be deviled eggs there.